For Dad

May I always put the needs of others before my own.
May I so love my family, friends, and co-workers that they see only Your goodness in me.
May Your love and Your light shine through in everything I do.

Mom found that prayer tucked inside Dad’s wallet. He probably carried for a year or two, but he lived those words his whole life.  At home with our family, in school or on the road with students, and even with perfect strangers, Dad always put the needs of others before his own.

There is no way to count the sacrifices he made so that Lynne and I could have what we needed to succeed in school, music, or whatever we attempted.  And he was always there for us. Whether going out of his way to drive us to Latin School each day before heading to Canton or attending all of our performances through high school and college – no matter how small, he was there.

And words cannot describe his devotion to Mom – which grew stronger every year. He could never relate to me being happy in a career that requires so much time away from home.  It is safe to say that I spent more nights away from home this year than he spent away from Mom in 54 years of marriage.  Through it all, his goal was to get home to her.

But as totally committed as he was to his family – immediate and extended – somehow he was equally giving of himself to his friends and students.  There is no doubt he was born to be a teacher. Whether the subject was mathematics, driving, or basketball, he was first a teacher of students not subjects. When the class he entered Canton High with in 1967 dedicated their yearbook to him they wrote, “In any capacity, as a teacher, coach, or friend, his help will never be forgotten by those who received it.” And when his final class in 1998 dedicated their yearbook to him they spoke of “a person who as our teacher and friend has enriched our years at Canton High School” and thanked him for his understanding and caring for members of their class and all the students during his 30 years at Canton.

We know that the many people who have told us what he meant to them are only a fraction of those he helped over the years.  And we know that it was at times like this – when people were suffering a great loss or preparing for the end of their own life that he was at his best.  Whether the person was a family member, a lifelong friend, a student or young colleague dying well before their time, or a former colleague he had not seen in years – he was there.

But even more than the love he gave to his family, friends, and students, it was the way that he cared for total strangers that I found most remarkable. There are two instances I will always remember.

• In the first, we were stopped at a red light in Roxbury on our way home from the Latin-English football game one Thanksgiving. Looking down a side street, we saw a boy sitting on the steps outside a building while three or four others formed a semi-circle around him on the sidewalk. Although it would have been easy to rationalize that they were just talking and continue home to Thanksgiving dinner, he sensed that something was wrong.  He turned down the street, found out the boy was being threatened, got him in the car and drove him home.  Five minutes out of our lives that may have really helped the boy.
• In the second, we were going out for ice cream after a little league game. As we drove down the street we saw a young couple holding a baby and frantically yelling and waving.  Many cars passed them, but we pulled over. Although we did not speak Spanish and they did not speak English it was clear that something was wrong with the baby and they were trying to get to a hospital. Leaning on the horn the entire time, he sped them to the nearest hospital. We did not know them, and never saw them again, but that did not matter. They needed help and he was there.

I have admired many people, but there are two that I consider my heroes – Bobby Kennedy and my Dad, my best friend.  The two come together for me in these words Bobby Kennedy spoke in 1966:

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events…Each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others or strikes out against injustice he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope and crossing each other from a million difference centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls.

Although Dad never lived more than five miles from where he was born and spent 30 years in the same classroom, each of the students and others whose lives he touched with humor, compassion, and love in his 50 years of teaching and 76 years of life are the tiny ripples of hope that are crossing, expanding beyond the walls of the classroom, and multiplying to carry his influence well beyond those who knew him and will carry his influence well beyond this day for generations to come.

And that is why today, I can stand here and quote the song that I gave him 25 years ago when I asked Dad to be my Best Man:

He isn’t much in the eyes of the world.
He’ll never make history.
He isn’t much in the eyes of the world,
But he is the world to me.
My Dad, now here is a man.